Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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