the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
