Don't make out with my wife yet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Rumble strips road head = magical
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
