woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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