If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
