All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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