I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
