my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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