Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
