GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
