so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
