I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
