im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
