I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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