If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
