What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
soo... how was my night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
