Will you blow on my dice?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
