I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I know her cup size but not her name....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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