I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
