i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
