I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
