also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
