Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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