I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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