wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
