My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
