Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
