my mouth tastes like poor choices
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize