Moan for me like Helen Keller
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
