i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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