if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
