I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
