The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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