my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize