Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
