he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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