I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
