I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
