she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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