I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
