You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
