My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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