Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
