Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
