As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
