why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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