Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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