I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
