wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
