Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
