I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
