i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
