He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
