Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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