I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
