whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
