Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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