she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
