where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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