dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
