my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
