He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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