u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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