My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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