Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
