Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize