I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
now i know why i became what i already was.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
