I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
