Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
