I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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