I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
