thus making me awesome and them whores
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
