Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
