You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
