we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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