I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
