I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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