Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
