their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i think i have two assholes
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
