I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
