So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
